Monday, November 14, 2011

Choosing Awareness

Have you ever been 'undone' by your awareness of God?  You know, in those ordinary moments of the day when you least anticipate that God will speak, appear, or even be present.  You might be driving along in your car, sitting in a meeting, talking to a friend, watching a stranger, participating in something completely new, doing the mundane things you do every day of the week, fading to sleep after a long day - and suddenly you know that God is there . . . speaking to you, showing you something, touching you, meeting you with a message that pierces to the depth of your being.  You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has just spoken specifically and personally to you!  You stop, look, gasp, tears well up in your eyes, and you feel at home ... as if you have arrived in the place that you have spent your life longing to be.

Once or twice in my life I have had moments like this.  Not that God is only occasionally active or present.  No, I believe that God is active in this way endlessly and always.  But, I am not always open to hearing, to knowing, to seeing, to receiving, to becoming undone . . . sometimes I downright refuse - preferring to remain in the landscape that I know so well. 
When I open myself to perceiving God in this way I give up some of my 'control' because I am acknowledging that there might be more going on than I am certain of. I open myself up to a new awareness that God wants me to have and I trust that He is present in that change.  Despite my fear, my resistance to change, I have begun to recognize that these are the moments I long for, the ones in which I feel most satisfied.  As paradigm shifting as they can be, these are the moments in which I feel the most totally alive. 

So, that is what this blog is dedicated to . . . attuning myself in a conscious and accountable way to the presence of God in my life.  I am tired of letting numbness win.  So, I commit myself to sharing those moments - whether they are moments gleaned from observation, listening, reading, waiting, struggling  . . . I want God to show up in my life, to undo me completely, totally and thoroughly.  I want God to change me!